Critique REQ: Alt-folky type stuff

Hey all! I'm looking for some basic feedback on these bare bones songs I've been hacking out. I'm a long-term bass player trying to convert over to straight acoustic tunes. Ths song I'm really hoping to get some reaction to is the first one listed, 'Four Months'. The site has all the lyrics and chords as well. These are just basement recordings, so the sound quality and my performance are what they are... rough.
http://mrfoo.bestmusicpages.com/

Well, that link doesn't work.

Please repost.

Dave www.soundclick.com/davelawrence

hey there, Mr Foo, I just listened to Four Walls, and liked it but the chorus didn't seem like a chorus....the chords are fine, but it's not leaving me sing it......it's too fast and no hook IMHO I think if you honed the chorus in, you'd be sitting on a decent song....

four months inside thes four walls is pretty strong and I think it should be the focus of the chorus

just my $0.02

cheers, 60 cycle hum

Have I done something wrong?

Dave www.soundclick.com/davelawrence

'60 cycle hum' < This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it > wrote in message

what news reader are you using? try copying the URL and pasting it in your explorer address window

cheers, 60 cycle hum

On Wed, 24 Sep 2003 17:01:54 +0000 (UTC), 'Dave Lawrence'

Ah, I've just checked the FAQ and:

'60 cycle hum' < This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it > wrote in message

Forgive the double, now triple post.

Dave www.soundclick.com/davelawrence

no sweat, man.....and your right....that is pretty lame

cheers, 60 cycle hum

On Wed, 24 Sep 2003 17:27:00 +0000 (UTC), 'Dave Lawrence'

I listened to BREAK O DAY twice - I think the voice and the music go very well to the lyrics. An unpolished gem, I think I would prefer this version to a perfect one. Really good job there.

You sound a lot like a guy I used to jam with named Killian. He could really belt out those vocals, and I hear that potential in your voice.

Keep up the good work, Jon

'Mr. Foo' < This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it > skrev i meddelandet

I listened to them all and I think 'Four Months' is strong as well as 'Prarie Night'. All I can say about your voice is that it's better than mine. You could be Roddy Frame of Aztech Camera. It's got the power and timing, and your phrasing brings out some extra grit which is to say that you're writing to your vocal strengths. I wouldn't have known what you were singing if you hadn't put up the lyrics, but that might be an accent thing. I'm glad you did though, because I like a lot of the clever rhymes and the way your word choice changes the pace, puting the yearning into line 'Springtime will never come' and all those busy syllables later on illustrating the onset of Spring. Emotionally it might be 'Here Comes The Sun' which is my way of giving it a compliment. You did it - the joy and relief is there in the song and it moved me.

I thought overall that the verses in 'Prarie' were more emotive than the chorus, but that's true of a lot of songs. The verses tell the story and the chorus is a punctuation mark. It's a real song and a good story. I love the way that lines like 'We'll go dancin' at both bars' capture futility of small town life but at the same time people's determination to make a life there. For some reason I love the fact that the town only has two bars. That line says so much about the culture of the place, which brings me to a bigger point. I think these stories work because they're real stories from a real place. The audience can connect with that and see this world through your eyes. 'Wheat won't grow no faster watered down in tears' is fine writing in my opinion.

Best wishes,

Michael Anthony http://www.soundclick.com/michaelanthony