Bloggers Wanted
We're looking for people to help with the main blog. If you are consistent, knowledgeable and you're into it, please drop me a note.
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heavyhauler
 Expert Boarder
Posts: 95 
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Sorry, but that reads like a bad translation from academic German. If you want people to *read* this interesting document, you can't start off with a string of dependent clauses and appositives with the subject and main verb sort of interspersed among them!! Untangle the clauses and modifiers, and put in about three periods, and you'll communicate a lot
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johndoe
 Senior Boarder
Posts: 64
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<< Untangle the clauses...and you'll communicate a lot more. >>
agreed. interesting stuff, but simplify the language structure. this is actually a trend that's been cutting through circles in the legal profession
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LimShady
Expert Boarder
Posts: 81
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Thanks. I hammered it out over two cups of coffee in as many hours, and this was just getting everything into the TXT file.
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BankirOwer
Expert Boarder
Posts: 93
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LOL!
I always tend to do this...
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Ticketdealer
Senior Boarder
Posts: 70
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So better you should've posted your *second* draft rather than your first ...
Note that this problem doesn't appear in the slightest in your newsgroup postings (whether technical ones, like when you looked at the Mahler 10th mss., or the polemical ones), which suggests you have a feeling
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wordshop
Expert Boarder
Posts: 85
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Well-known in its orchestral garb as the first movement of Charles Ives’s Orchestral Set No.1, “Three Places in New England,” this music was inspired by the bas-relief located in Boston Common created by scupltor Augustus St. Gaudens. It was originally composed for solo piano as part of a three-movement gathering embodying Ives’s feelings about the American Civil War and its causes.
On a sketch for his “Emerson” music (music intending to reflect the thoughts of Concord philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson), he outlined the plan in this manner (source: Ives Collection microfilm frame no. f1011):
1. The Common (Largo) (Emerson & Park Ch[urch]) 2. The Abolitionists (Allegro) Wendell Phillips — Faneuil Hall 3. “The St.Gaudens” (Adagio – Andante) “Moving marching faces of souls”
The movement to abolish slavery, the part the Abolitionists played in that movement, and the organization of the first all-black Union regiment under the command of Col. Robert Gould Shaw are the gathering’s
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Vgtrzubx
 Expert Boarder
Posts: 85
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d.g. porter asks:
<< Better? >>
much.
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thunderchicken
Expert Boarder
Posts: 89
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Muy.
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